Rape and Victim Blaming

Hi guys!
This might be a bit of a different one for me but I feel that it is a topic that really needs some coverage. 
If any of you have seen or heard on the news, there has been a petition calling for a poster, part of the government’s ‘Know your Limits’ campaign, to be removed as it has been viewed as victim blaming. If none of you have seen this poster, here it is:

Now, I don't know about you but I feel this is disgraceful of the government and is just  another step backwards. After seeing this poster I kinda thought I would voice my opinion on this matter.

A few facts
According to RapeCrisis:

• Approximately 85,000 women are raped on average in England and Wales every year

• Over 400,000 women are sexually assaulted each year

• 1 in 5 women (aged 16 - 59) has experienced some form of sexual violence since the age of 16.

RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) has also stated that 60% of rapes are never reported. I feel that, because of posters like this, victims are less likely to report. Would you want to be blamed for what happened? Was your skirt too short? Had you drank too much? Surely not? This however, is the attitude that many seem to have and it is leading to misconceptions and judgement of victims who instead deserve sympathy and support for a horrible crime that has been committed against them. 

I have experienced this treatment. When I was assaulted 5 years ago, the police asked me why I had been out so late and if I had been drinking. I was so shocked that they felt the need to ask these questions. It felt as if I had brought it on myself and that I deserved it to happen to me because I had made the choice to go out late at night. This is wrong and this is what needs to change. 

You see it all the time in the news, not just with rape and sexual assault but with other day to day issues. I watched This Morning the other day and they were talking about revenge porn, sexually explicit media that is publicly shared online without the consent of the pictured individual with the intent to shame or embarrass the individual, typically uploaded by ex-partners. I hate the idea of this ever happening to me, but the main issue I had was with Denise Robertson, This Morning's agony aunt. Her response to this issue was that people shouldn't take explicit photos in the first place. As soon as she said this I felt myself getting so angry. People should be allowed to take photos but people shouldn't be so vindictive to share them without consent. Once again, it places blame on the victim by saying that if they hadn't done a certain action then the problem wouldn't have happened.

After looking into opinions of rape and victims of rape, I was in complete shock. The Amnesty International poll of 1,000 people in 2005 found over 25% believe the woman is at least partly to blame if she has worn revealing clothing or been drunk. Similarly, more than a quarter of people (30%) said that a woman was partially or totally responsible for being raped if she was drunk, and more than a third (37%) held the same view if the woman had failed to clearly say no to the man. This victim blaming will hold us back from living in an equal society. The government says we live in one currently, but from these figures it is clear we don't. 

Boys need to be taught about this subject from a younger age. I remember at school (I went to an all girls school), teachers telling us that we need to look after ourselves and be sensible, but what are boys taught? Boys need to know that no means no and that if a woman is too drunk to consent, to leave her alone. I am not going to go on an anti-man rant, because I know that it can happen to men too, but education is one of the first steps to ending this cycle of victim blaming and negative perceptions of rape victims.

Women should be allowed to dress how they like, walk where they like and act how they like without fear of being harmed. There are so many excuses and it is time that the government and members of the public took note of this and realise that it is NEVER the victims fault. Nobody should have to go through something as traumatic as rape and then be blamed. I have spent days in tears because I blamed myself for what happened to me, and I now realise that I was so wrong. I just hope that other women can feel the way I feel and know that they are not alone but are in no way to blame. 

This isn't an issue just in the UK. I think this website gives a really good insight into the global rape crisis.

I really hope that one day rape will be no more and people will be respected and viewed as equal. 

Thanks

(If anyone is interested, this is the petition to remove the 'Know your Limits' poster - please sign!)

I GRADUATED!

Sooooo,
I graduated. I finished university, I got through it and I couldn't be more proud of myself!
I graduated with an Upper Second Class degree (a 2.1). That had been my aim all along and I am super duper happy about it!  Trouble is, this is now real life and I do not have a clue what I want to do now!
My boyfriend has his future all planned out, and I'm sat here like 'OH GOD WHAT TO DO?!'.
I've always wanted to work with children, so I am trying to find work as a teaching assistant or something just to give me experience, but other than that, not a clue. HELP ME!
Anyway...graduation day itself was a blur. I graduated in Lincoln Cathedral, which is pretty amazing and I had my family there, including my brother who lives in Bristol who I rarely get to see now. We got free strawberries and prosecco which was lovely and I had some professional snaps done (oh god).
As you can see from the snaps on the left, we look bloody snazzy in our robes and hat things. My hat kept falling off my head, I hate having such a big head...bummer.
Graduation ball was the next day and I got to wear a pretty dress. Drinks were bloody expensive, so I didn't have many, but I got back home and helped myself to a few. The ball was at HOME in Lincoln, we had a buffet and fire breathers etc, was pretty cool. I am not really one for clubbing, but Scouting for Girls played there and that was good, especially as we paid £45 for a bloody ticket!
Now all that is over, I don't know what to do with myself. Myself and my boyfriend have planned to try and do one special treat a week, even if it is just the cinema or a nice meal. Hopefully we will stick to this!

I'm terrified for the future but I have my boyfriend and my family supporting me so hopefully I will find my feet soon.
I will at least have time to do some more blogging!
Toodles!

Depression and BPD

So, this post is a little different. I was debating about doing it because I wasn't sure whether anyone would be interested in reading about all my problems! I figured though, that it might help me and if you want to take a read then go ahead. I do apologize however, if this makes you miserable, I will try and keep it as upbeat as possible!
Well, I was diagnosed with depression approximately 3 years ago. I had just started university and I had started feeling really down and emotional, snapping at the slightest thing and I was just generally horrible. I went to the doctors and I got referred to the local mental health care clinic. I was diagnosed and they prescribed me with Fluoxetine, a type of anti-depressant. I was terrified of starting on the anti-depressant route because I didn't want to become addicted to them! Anyway, I began taking them and I didn't really notice much difference at first. From what I can remember (my memory is terrible!), Fluoxetine first had a noticeable effect regarding my sleeping patterns. I could sleep whenever, wherever and I always felt exhausted, even if I had my 'normal' 8 hours sleep. My paranoia was ridiculous. I couldn't go into town with my boyfriend because I accused him of looking at girls and I hated the fact there were girls he would talk to on his university course. It was having such a bad impact on our relationship that eventually (about 6-8 months later) I went back to the hospital and said that I was really struggling on the medication. They decided to lower the dosage and I was hesitant. Rightly so, as these made little difference to how I was feeling. I was later given Sertraline, another anti-depressant, which was supposed to have fewer side effects than the Fluoxetine. At the beginning of last year, I think I began to see a few signs of improvement. My paranoia had got a bit better, I was feeling a bit happier in myself and I could actually start thinking about the future.
Then the problems started. About September last year, I started suffering with sensory overload. I hated going out because sometimes the sound of traffic would be unbearable. I would fall out with my boyfriend just because he was talking to me and I couldn't stand the sound of his voice. It was becoming insufferable and I ended up going to the doctors in March this year (I think). The doctor didn't have a clue what was wrong with me, and hadn't come across something like this before. Always a good start! In the end he suggested trying another pill, which supposedly didn't have sensory issues as a side effect. Apparently it was common for Sertraline to cause sensory disturbances and this new pill, Lofepramine, was an older type of pill that was well known for its lack of side effects. Myself and my boyfriend were both worried about coming off the Sertraline because for the most part I had been quite stable and the thought of trying something else was quite scary.
The Lofepramine was horrendous. All of the progress I felt I had made had just disappeared. I felt suicidal on a daily basis, I was upset, angry and a complete mess. I couldn't cope and once again, I went back to the hospital. I had only been on Lofepramine a couple of weeks at this point but I discussed with my psychologist the problems I had been having. The psychologist was terrible. I had never seen him before, and he insisted on me discussing all of my traumatic experiences with him even though, as he said ''I already knew your problems but I wanted you to tell me instead''. GOOD ONE. Everyone knows that you don't force a person to re-tell traumatic events unless they want to. Anyway, after discussing some of my symptoms, he said it was likely that I had BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). I had heard of this but I wasn't really sure if it related to me. Oh it really did. He showed me the list of common signs/symptoms and I matched every one of them. I have to say, it was a relief in some ways to have a further diagnosis, but in other ways I was upset that I had yet another problem. The psychologist told me that I should come off my pills straight away and try Seroquel, a type of anti-psychotic, typically used for patients with schizophrenia or bipolar. This was scary in itself as I didn't want to be on a really strong drug. He reassured me however, that it was a mood stabilizer and it should help me to feel more calm and level headed. I left the hospital feeling pretty upset, knowing that I really wanted to cry but I had to hold it until I got home.  
I have been on Seroquel for about 2 weeks now, and if I am honest, I have never felt worse. I am exhausted, I am angry, I am upset. I have lost interest in everything and I am being a horror to live with. I am hoping that over the next couple of weeks, things will level off and I will be a lot happier. It is my birthday on the 14th and I graduate on the 23rd so I really want to be feeling o.k by then.
I know this was a slightly random post but I just wanted to post some of my experiences. I'm sure there will be more posts like this at some point!
If you have any questions, feel free to ask them :)