Aveeno Active Naturals Daily Moisturising Lotion

Hi everyone!
Its been a little while, I have had a super busy week so I haven't really had the chance to post on here :( but I am back and I have more time now so yeah, lets get on!
I received a sample of the Aveeno Active Naturals Daily Moisturising Lotion last week and I finally got round to using some over the last couple of days. This moisturiser claims to 'significantly improve the condition of dry skin in just 2 weeks', and I can completely see this working. It normally retails for about £5 for 300ml, which I feel is fairly reasonable for the quality.

I have used this only a couple of times and I can already feel the difference on my elbows and my knees especially. As soon as you put the lotion on, your skin feels smooth and hydrated. This product is also fragrance free, which for some may be off putting but I think some products can be overpowering so this is fine for me. The consistency is also really nice. It feels quite thick but it absorbs so quickly, so you don't have to wait for ages to get dressed after using it, which is great for people who are constantly in a rush like me!
I think, especially over the winter months, this lotion would be perfect for anyone struggling with dry skin. I have really dry, flaky patches on my arms and legs and anything that claims to be hydrating and smoothing is extremely appealing. As I have only recently heard of the Aveeno range, I would definitely get the full size bottle of this product (300ml) and try many of their other products.
A definite winter must have!

Behind the Scenes Tag

Hi guys,

I was tagged to do this post by Luscious Lane, so I hope you enjoy having a read of my answers! For anyone reading this, I TAG YOU!

Why and when did you start blogging?

I first started blogging about a year ago. I wanted to start blogging because I thought it would be a good way to express myself. I wanted to say that I had a hobby and that I was actually good at something! I had been reading blogs for a while before creating mine, to get some ideas about what I could talk about and what other people found interesting. Then I just thought, WHY NOT? and did my first post and I haven't looked back since.

What gives you inspiration for blog posts?

I don't really look for inspiration, I will just blog about things I like and enjoy. I like to blog about a mixture of everything, from product reviews to serious topics such as my posts about depression and rape culture, which gives me a lot of options and variety. I still love to read other blogs to get ideas and see what is a popular talking point, so I would say I get some inspiration from other bloggers.

What advise would you give to people starting out?

Be active on social media sites. I have gained most of my views and followers from sharing my blog on Twitter. It is a great way to network with other bloggers and you can make some great friends out of it too.

What is the best thing about being a blogger?

Being able to express myself and be able to talk about things that genuinely interest me. I also love the blogging community and the fact that everyone is so supportive of each other. 

What do your friends and family think about you being a blogger?

Not everyone knows that I have my own blog! My boyfriend though has been really supportive and is really proud of me for sticking with it. He knows that I struggle with my confidence and self esteem and writing my blog has really helped me fight these issues. I get so excited when I get new followers and he always seems interested, even when he couldn't care less! Family are supportive of everything I do, so as long as I am doing something I enjoy, they are more than happy.

Is blogging how you pictured it to be? 

It is a lot harder than I thought it would be, especially in terms of getting people to take notice and get followers. I think in some ways, this makes it even better when you do get views and followers though, because you have really worked hard to get noticed! I love blogging though, and the hard work does pay off.

Are there any bloggers that you feel deserve more readers/ have you made any friends through blogging?

There are so many bloggers that deserve more attention, I couldn't possibly list all of them! A few of my favourites at the moment though, are FatBeauty, Zoe's Secret Style, Leah Talks and Twinkle's Beauty Blog. These all give so much detail in their posts and I can tell they are all really passionate about their blogging. I haven't made any friends as such through blogging, but it is making me more confident in talking to new people, which is great!

What inspired your blog name?

I don't really know if I'm honest! It kinda popped into my head one day. I guess I like it because I like simplicity and I am extremely curious, especially when it comes to trying new products or having new experiences. I think my blog is simple, in its design and also in its content. I like to give a lot of information but hopefully I give it in a way that is simple and easy to understand!

October Favourites

I can't believe November is here already!
It does mean however, that I can share with you some things I have been LOVING this October.

First up is the Imperial Leather Citrus Burst Shower Gel. I love my shower gels and every time I go shopping I will always pick up a new one! This is my current favourite. The scent is gorgeous. It is so refreshing and really picks me up in the shower. I will definitely be using this for the rest of the year. Second is the Nivea Daily Essentials Extra Gentle Eye Makeup Remover. This stuff is so lovely. It has a really clean, scent, almost like baby powder and it gets your makeup off so easily. I was skeptical about this, as the first time I used this I almost blinded myself. I shouldn't have been so stupid and used so much of the stuff though. So that's my own silly fault! Next is the Schwarzkopf Essence Ultime Omega Repair BB Beauty Balm. This hair treatment is amazing. I have been using it for a couple of months now and the difference it has made to my hair is unbelievable. My hair is extremely frazzled and dry and I do struggle to find products that work, but this makes my hair so manageable and much smoother. This will definitely be used well into winter, as the cold always makes my hair go CRAZY. This is well worth a try especially as it is only £2.74 at Boots. Next up is the Glade Cosy Apple and Cinnamon Air and Fabric Spray. This is a must have if you love Christmas! The spiced scent is gorgeous and the house smells amazing now. I have only owned this for a week, but I will be using this well into the winter.
My must have foundation is the Seventeen Stay Time foundation, which I did a review of the other day (find it here). This is perfect for those with oily skin and stays in place all day! Next is the Maybelline Cover Stick. I have loved this cover stick throughout October. It has such a creamy consistency and is really easy to apply. It covers blemishes and dark circles and makes your skin look amazing. The final makeup item I have been loving is the Bourjois Paris Little Round Pot Intense Eyeshadow (03). I have owned this for some time now, and I did a previous review in my 2014 Makeup Favourites. I have only recently started wearing it again though, after using some of my other eye shadows a bit more. This colour is absolutely gorgeous, and the sparkle looks great in the winter months. 

Finally, my favourite perfume of October (probably of the year) is Beyonce Heat. I absolutely love this perfume. With a combination of almond macaroon, honeysuckle nectar, creme de musk and red vanilla orchid, this perfume screams autumn. I fell good when I wear it and my boyfriend has commented on how nice I smell multiple times whilst wearing this, which is nice!
What are your October favourites? Do you agree with any of my choices?

MUA Luxe Voluminous Felt Eyeliner

Hello guys!
Today I shall be reviewing the MUA Luxe Voluminous Felt Eyeliner. 
I picked this up from Superdrug for a reasonable £3, after searching the makeup aisles for what felt like hours. I am very picky with eyeliners and usually I'm not too keen on the felt tip kind, but this one stood out to me (I think because of the price if I'm honest!).

The eyeliner works well for me, as I prefer a subtle eyeliner rather than anything too bold, unless I'm going on a night out. I find it really easy to get the right look that I'm going for and its easy to add a little more if needed. I find that some eyeliners come out far too thick and make me look like I've reverted back to my goth days, or they are far too thin and really hard to apply. 
Another positive is that this eyeliner doesn't flake or clump. I have tried many eyeliners and halfway through the day, there will be chunks of it all over your face. This one though, comes out smoothly, with a nice matte finish and lasts all day. The only problem I have is that it does take forever to get off. I was rubbing at my eyes for about 10 minutes trying to get the stuff off my face!
I would definitely give this product 9/10 and I would recommend it to everyone :)

Tried and Tasted: Halloween Sweets

Hello everyone,

Myself and my boyfriend (also know as CoopyCatCreations) have made a video!

Basically it is just us, eating terrible Halloween sweets and making terrible jokes. I hope you guys check it out. I would really appreciate some sharing and stuff :)

Living with Depression and Borderline Personality Disorder

Hi everyone,

I have done a similar post to this previously, but I wanted to go a bit more in depth and let you get to know the real me.

I have depression and BPD, usually know as Borderline Personality Disorder. Depression is defined by Depression UK as:

a mood disorder characterised by low mood and a wide range of other possible symptoms, which will vary from person to person. An illness that can develop quickly or gradually, and be brought on by life events and/or changes in body chemistry. It can strike anyone, and is curable.

I was first diagnosed with depression 3 years ago, when I started university. I had been feeling down for some time and my mood swings were getting uncontrollable. My relationship with my boyfriend was getting worse because I was so paranoid and my anger towards him grew so much, we questioned why we were together.

I decided to go to the doctors because I decided I couldn't live like that anymore and he suggested depression as a likely cause. He referred me to the Peter Hodgkinson centre in Lincoln, a NHS service aimed at helping patients with mental health problems.  I have now been a patient at this centre for 2 and  a half years and I go for check ups with my assigned consultant every three months for a review of my medication. I have been referred to counsellors previously but due to the fact I was ill for one of my sessions, I got discharged from their services. This has thrown me off and any benefit I got from my short time at counselling has steadily disappeared.

Borderline Personality Disorder is one of the most common personality disorders. People with personality disorders may find it difficult to:

• make or keep close relationships
• get on with people at work
• get on with friends and family
• keep out of trouble
• control your feelings or behaviour
• listen to other people

There are different types of personality disorder and I have been diagnosed with the 'Borderline or emotionally unstable' group. This means that I am impulsive and I find it hard to cope my emotions. I have up and down days, meaning that if I am sad, I am very sad and if I am happy, I am manic and highly excitable. It can also mean that I feel paranoid and have low self esteem and self worth.

The paranoia and low self esteem are the symptoms that affect me most of all. I am paranoid about everything and everyone. I struggle to leave the house some days because I am terrified of how other people will perceive me and I am scared that someone will laugh at me (classic paranoia!). The paranoia also affects my relationship with my boyfriend. I am paranoid about him 24 hours a day, I struggle to control thoughts about him and it results in me getting extremely upset and/or angry. I accuse him of cheating or sneaking around behind my back and I have gone through phases of checking his phone and internet history just to make sure he isn't messing around. My problem has got so bad that I get to the point of wishing him to mess up, just so I am justified in my feelings and I have the right to be mad at him.

My low self esteem has to take some responsibility for this behaviour. I think so negatively of myself and constantly judge myself next to other people. To go out is a struggle, even now. I need the motivation from other people to get me to leave the house. If I had the choice, I would stay in bed all day.

This combined with the depression leads to a very stressful life. Of course I have good days, I can have times when I am so happy and nothing bothers me and this is a release to me. It feels like a weight has been lifted from my head. Other days, I feel swamped, like my head is going to explode. I guess I have to reach a good and healthy balance but I know it will be a struggle. 

Thoughts of suicide and self harm are also a problem. About 2 months ago, I was staying with my parents to give my boyfriend a break. I had only been there on my own a few hours and I started to get a sinking feeling. I felt awful, I was crying non stop and nothing could help. I had a panic attack, I was uncontrollable and I was desperate to be back with my boyfriend. After several hours of crying I found pills in my bag and decided to take the whole packet (10 in all). I knew at the time that this probably wasn't enough to kill me, but I really wanted to hurt myself and this was the only way I knew how. I sat for a while after taking the pills and I felt numb. I didn't care what happened next. Only trouble was, my boyfriend rang me after I had taken them. I told him what had happened and he went mad at me and said he was going to have to tell my parents, who were downstairs when this happened. I hung up and 5 seconds later, my parents phone rang. I knew he was going to tell them, so while my dad was on the phone I ran downstairs and told my mum everything. I will never forget the look on her face. 

My dad eventually rang the hospital and I had a check up. I was told that I wasn't in any danger and that the crisis team was not necessary. This, is something I will never understand. A girl takes a lot of pills, but oh no, not a crisis. She is obviously completely fine.

Eurgh.

I am now on a mood stabilizing medication called Aripiprazole and so far so good. My moods are more steady however I still get extremely paranoid and angry. I know I will probably need a lifetime supply of counselling and medication to 'fix' me, but I hope in the end it will all be worth it. For the sake of my relationship especially.

I want to raise awareness of mental health issues and show people that we are not 'crazy' or 'mad'. I have so many issues, it would take me hours to list them all. I have had traumatic experiences, I have depression in my family and all this learned behaviour has meant I struggle on a daily basis. I would say to anyone struggling with any issues similar to mine, or different, please find help. 

Talk to someone, let them know if you are feeling like shit and need a shoulder to cry on. Be honest and open. This is where I struggle. I hate to admit my faults and up until recently I have viewed my depression as a weakness. I now know that depression and BPD will not define me, yes I have it, but there are far more important personality traits that I want to be known for. 

To those without depression: take the time to ask people if they are ok. I'm sure they will appreciate it :)

My First Video

Hello!
My first video is now on YouTube! Yay!
If you want to check it out, click on the link below. It would be really appreciated. I was terrified filming this, and while its not perfect, I'm proud of myself for doing it!

Thanks guys!

Seventeen Stay Time Foundation: Review

Hello everyone!
Today's review will be about the new Seventeen Stay Time Foundation.
Seventeen has fast become one of my new favourite cosmetic brands, due to the high quality and reasonable price of all of their products. I have previously owned the Seventeen Miracle Matte Foundation, but I found it a bit too dark for my skin tone. I had no other issues with this foundation apart from the shade, so that is why I picked up this new release foundation.
I bought this foundation from Boots for £6.49, which for a new product is pretty cheap. I spotted it straight away because I could see that there were lighter shades available. After doing several swatches, I opted for the Soft Ivory shade as this seemed to match my skin tone perfectly. 

I love this foundation. I have only owned it for about 3 days but already I have noticed the difference it has made to my skin. It looks healthier and the foundation doesn't sit too heavily on my skin unlike some others I have tried. I am incredibly pale, so it has become extremely difficult to find products that suit my skin tone, but this one adapts amazingly well. I don't even need to use much product as the coverage is fairly high with only a pea size amount, which means that this foundation should last quite some time. 
The other positive about this foundation is the texture. It feels lovely and creamy and almost feels like a mousse when you apply it to your face. It doesn't go blotchy or streak and it stays put for hours. 
I would definitely recommend!
Have you tried this product? Are there any other Seventeen products you would recommend?

Sanctuary Replenishing Hydra Tonic Review

Hi guys,
Today's review is of the Sanctuary Replenishing Hydra Tonic.
I have owned this for some time now and only now have I finally got round to reviewing it! I bought this from Fragrance Direct for £5.99. This was a pretty reasonable price as it usually retails for around £10.99 at stores such as Boots. 
This product appealed to me because I struggle with my skin due to its oiliness and sensitivity and moisturizers tend to make it worse. The product description however, made this product stand out to me:
This ultra-light gel lotion vanishes into skin leaving a refreshing, cooling sensation and instantly quenches thirsty skin. Wild lime helps to encourage cell renewal for a brighter, more even skin tone, and a revitalised, dewy finish.

I love products that make your skin feel refreshed so I automatically purchased it!
The first time I used this product I was unsure. It was really runny and I got it all over me (the squirter was slightly over generous!). However as soon as I put it on my skin I noticed a difference. My redness seemed reduced and my skin felt so smooth and clean. 
I use this product every night before I go to bed and, at the moment, I wouldn't swap it for another product. My skin looks so much better and it really helps to minimize oily skin, which is a massive plus for me!
The price may be slightly higher than average, but the lotion (which comes in a 200ml bottle) lasts for ages because you barely have to use any. I still have 3/4 of a bottle left and I have owned it for about 3 months.
Have you tried this product? Are there any you could recommend?

Macadamia Oil Extract Hair Treatment

Hello everyone!
Today I will be reviewing the Macadamia Oil Extract Hair Treatment.
I bought this from Lidl for 99p, which is a bargain in my opinion, especially when it normally sells for £3.99 on online retail stores such as Amazon and Ebay. 
I picked this particular product up because I had been looking for a deep hair treatment for some time and this one stood out to me. I like packaging, the black and deep golds and oranges make it look far posher than it is. 

So, how is the product?
I like it, but I wouldn't rave about it. It has a really smooth consistency but when it is put on the hair it kinda clings on and feels rather clay like. I wasn't sure whether I would be able to wash all of it out! I left it on for about 7 minutes as the recommended time is between 7 and 10 and I didn't want to leave it for too long as I thought it might make my hair too greasy. 
7 minutes was perfect as when I washed it off I could automatically notice a difference. My hair felt soft and thick but really manageable. I styled it as usual and noticed that my hair had a lovely smell to it, like flowers. This product claims to nourish dry and damaged hair and it certainly did that. 
I would use this again, especially as it was so cheap. I just wish it felt nicer on my hair.
Have you tried this product? What did you think?

Winter Must Haves!

Alreet m'dears!
I am back again and ready to show you some of my must have autumn/winter items for 2014. Please feel free to comment below any recommendations you may have, as I love getting other peoples opinions.

• Yankee Candles: I love candles. I can't get enough of them. Yankee candles are by far the best ones on the high street and although they are not the cheapest, they are excellent quality and last for ages. My current favourite is the Vanilla Lime scent. I bought this for my mum about 2 years ago and she still has half of the jar left. I love visiting her house, mainly because I get to smell this deliciousness! Anyway, I have selected a few candles that I would love to try out, including: Black Cherry - 'the absolutely delicious sweetness of rich, ripe black cherries'; Cinnamon Appleberry - 'the welcoming aroma of tart apples and sugary berries laced with cinnamon' and Christmas Eve - 'traditional Christmas scents of a warm hearth, sugared plums, and candied fruits'. I love anything cinnamon-y and sweet, rich scents always remind me of Christmas, so I feel these candles would be perfect for making the house cosy and inviting. Check out the Yankee Candle website to see their massive selection of candles and gift sets.

Look how pretty they are!

• Cushions: Cushions are a must have during the winter. They give you something to snuggle into during the cold evenings and they look super duper pretty as well. Zazzle have some amazing cushions, some of which you can personalize which is pretty cool. They tend to be on the pricey side, but I definitely think they are with the price tag, especially for some of the more vintage designs. Below are some of my favorites:

Yes, I am a bit soppy!

• Hot Water Bottle Covers: This is a bit of a random one, but every year I say I am going to invest in a hot water bottle and I never do. I really need one, because I am always really really cold but I think they are so ugly, so I can never settle on one I like! I have now sorted this problem however, and I may have to splash out and treat myself to one of the amazing hot water bottles from Not On The High Street. They have sme really simple designs and some really funky, bright designs; perfect for any house. Not only are the useful, but they are extremely attractive and would really spruce up a dull room. A couple of my favourites are:

Bit of a contrast I know!

• Big Mugs: I don't know about you, but one of the best things about the colder weather is being able to drink as much hot chocolate as possible, and obviously you need the biggest mug to drink it from! After having a look around on the high street and online, I found that once again, Zazzle had one of the best collections of mugs. My personal favourite is this one: 

I love cats and hot chocolate...PERFECT

What do you guys think? Anything you can recommend?

Please comment below :)

Creightons Keratin Pro Shampoo

Ok, so I am extremely picky with shampoos and I get bored really easily. So yesterday I went up town and decided to have a look for a new one. 
I went into Savers, a discount high street store and spotted the Creighton product straight away. I really liked the look of the bottle and as it claimed to be a strengthening shampoo, I was sold straight away (plus the £1 price tag wasn't bad either!).
(FYI: I picked up the Creightons Argan Oil Deep Moisture Shampoo too and I will do a review of that soon!)

So, this shampoo is gorgeous. For the cheap price I thought it probably wouldn't be that great, but I didn't mind as I hadn't wasted heaps of money. I was surprised when it turned out so lovely. The smell is yummy, really sweet and fresh and it has a really nice texture. Weird, I know, but it is really smooth and foams up nicely in your hair without the need for much of the product. I used the Herbal Essences Bee Strong conditioner and they seemed to work well together and when I had dried my hair, it looked better than it has done for a while. It made my hair look really thick and shiny yet it was still manageable and smooth.
Definitely a purchase I will make again!

Emetophobia and Noroviris vlog

Hi guys!  
This will only be a short post, but I really wanted to help my boyfriend out by promoting his YouTube channel. He has only recently started vlogging, but I am so proud of him and, although I may be slightly biased, I think his stuff is really good. His most recent video is focused on emetophobia (fear of vomiting) and norovirus. These areas are really close to his heart as he suffers from emetophobia and it affects his day to day life. He thought it may be beneficial for other sufferer's to see that they are not alone, and also to raise awareness.  
I would really appreciate it if you could take a look at his videos and like or subscribe to his channel. It would be really lovely of you!   Please click the link below :D   http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=d_y5L-Wrrwc          

Feeling Poorly: Motivation

Hello all,
I am feeling poorly. Poorly on a week where I have 2 interviews, a work trial and counselling. So far I have had to miss my counselling, which is crap, and I just really don't want to miss anything else. 
The purpose of this post is to give myself, and others, some motivation. When I am feeling low and ill like I am at the moment I really struggle with keeping motivated, so I have decided to try and boost my spirits a bit.

These three really stood out to me and I plan on doing things for myself more and doing things that make me happy. I will not let feeling like poop get me down, I will push myself through it and be a better person at the end of it.

Coming up next: HAIR CARE!

Rape and Victim Blaming

Hi guys!
This might be a bit of a different one for me but I feel that it is a topic that really needs some coverage. 
If any of you have seen or heard on the news, there has been a petition calling for a poster, part of the government’s ‘Know your Limits’ campaign, to be removed as it has been viewed as victim blaming. If none of you have seen this poster, here it is:

Now, I don't know about you but I feel this is disgraceful of the government and is just  another step backwards. After seeing this poster I kinda thought I would voice my opinion on this matter.

A few facts
According to RapeCrisis:

• Approximately 85,000 women are raped on average in England and Wales every year

• Over 400,000 women are sexually assaulted each year

• 1 in 5 women (aged 16 - 59) has experienced some form of sexual violence since the age of 16.

RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) has also stated that 60% of rapes are never reported. I feel that, because of posters like this, victims are less likely to report. Would you want to be blamed for what happened? Was your skirt too short? Had you drank too much? Surely not? This however, is the attitude that many seem to have and it is leading to misconceptions and judgement of victims who instead deserve sympathy and support for a horrible crime that has been committed against them. 

I have experienced this treatment. When I was assaulted 5 years ago, the police asked me why I had been out so late and if I had been drinking. I was so shocked that they felt the need to ask these questions. It felt as if I had brought it on myself and that I deserved it to happen to me because I had made the choice to go out late at night. This is wrong and this is what needs to change. 

You see it all the time in the news, not just with rape and sexual assault but with other day to day issues. I watched This Morning the other day and they were talking about revenge porn, sexually explicit media that is publicly shared online without the consent of the pictured individual with the intent to shame or embarrass the individual, typically uploaded by ex-partners. I hate the idea of this ever happening to me, but the main issue I had was with Denise Robertson, This Morning's agony aunt. Her response to this issue was that people shouldn't take explicit photos in the first place. As soon as she said this I felt myself getting so angry. People should be allowed to take photos but people shouldn't be so vindictive to share them without consent. Once again, it places blame on the victim by saying that if they hadn't done a certain action then the problem wouldn't have happened.

After looking into opinions of rape and victims of rape, I was in complete shock. The Amnesty International poll of 1,000 people in 2005 found over 25% believe the woman is at least partly to blame if she has worn revealing clothing or been drunk. Similarly, more than a quarter of people (30%) said that a woman was partially or totally responsible for being raped if she was drunk, and more than a third (37%) held the same view if the woman had failed to clearly say no to the man. This victim blaming will hold us back from living in an equal society. The government says we live in one currently, but from these figures it is clear we don't. 

Boys need to be taught about this subject from a younger age. I remember at school (I went to an all girls school), teachers telling us that we need to look after ourselves and be sensible, but what are boys taught? Boys need to know that no means no and that if a woman is too drunk to consent, to leave her alone. I am not going to go on an anti-man rant, because I know that it can happen to men too, but education is one of the first steps to ending this cycle of victim blaming and negative perceptions of rape victims.

Women should be allowed to dress how they like, walk where they like and act how they like without fear of being harmed. There are so many excuses and it is time that the government and members of the public took note of this and realise that it is NEVER the victims fault. Nobody should have to go through something as traumatic as rape and then be blamed. I have spent days in tears because I blamed myself for what happened to me, and I now realise that I was so wrong. I just hope that other women can feel the way I feel and know that they are not alone but are in no way to blame. 

This isn't an issue just in the UK. I think this website gives a really good insight into the global rape crisis.

I really hope that one day rape will be no more and people will be respected and viewed as equal. 

Thanks

(If anyone is interested, this is the petition to remove the 'Know your Limits' poster - please sign!)

I GRADUATED!

Sooooo,
I graduated. I finished university, I got through it and I couldn't be more proud of myself!
I graduated with an Upper Second Class degree (a 2.1). That had been my aim all along and I am super duper happy about it!  Trouble is, this is now real life and I do not have a clue what I want to do now!
My boyfriend has his future all planned out, and I'm sat here like 'OH GOD WHAT TO DO?!'.
I've always wanted to work with children, so I am trying to find work as a teaching assistant or something just to give me experience, but other than that, not a clue. HELP ME!
Anyway...graduation day itself was a blur. I graduated in Lincoln Cathedral, which is pretty amazing and I had my family there, including my brother who lives in Bristol who I rarely get to see now. We got free strawberries and prosecco which was lovely and I had some professional snaps done (oh god).
As you can see from the snaps on the left, we look bloody snazzy in our robes and hat things. My hat kept falling off my head, I hate having such a big head...bummer.
Graduation ball was the next day and I got to wear a pretty dress. Drinks were bloody expensive, so I didn't have many, but I got back home and helped myself to a few. The ball was at HOME in Lincoln, we had a buffet and fire breathers etc, was pretty cool. I am not really one for clubbing, but Scouting for Girls played there and that was good, especially as we paid £45 for a bloody ticket!
Now all that is over, I don't know what to do with myself. Myself and my boyfriend have planned to try and do one special treat a week, even if it is just the cinema or a nice meal. Hopefully we will stick to this!

I'm terrified for the future but I have my boyfriend and my family supporting me so hopefully I will find my feet soon.
I will at least have time to do some more blogging!
Toodles!

Depression and BPD

So, this post is a little different. I was debating about doing it because I wasn't sure whether anyone would be interested in reading about all my problems! I figured though, that it might help me and if you want to take a read then go ahead. I do apologize however, if this makes you miserable, I will try and keep it as upbeat as possible!
Well, I was diagnosed with depression approximately 3 years ago. I had just started university and I had started feeling really down and emotional, snapping at the slightest thing and I was just generally horrible. I went to the doctors and I got referred to the local mental health care clinic. I was diagnosed and they prescribed me with Fluoxetine, a type of anti-depressant. I was terrified of starting on the anti-depressant route because I didn't want to become addicted to them! Anyway, I began taking them and I didn't really notice much difference at first. From what I can remember (my memory is terrible!), Fluoxetine first had a noticeable effect regarding my sleeping patterns. I could sleep whenever, wherever and I always felt exhausted, even if I had my 'normal' 8 hours sleep. My paranoia was ridiculous. I couldn't go into town with my boyfriend because I accused him of looking at girls and I hated the fact there were girls he would talk to on his university course. It was having such a bad impact on our relationship that eventually (about 6-8 months later) I went back to the hospital and said that I was really struggling on the medication. They decided to lower the dosage and I was hesitant. Rightly so, as these made little difference to how I was feeling. I was later given Sertraline, another anti-depressant, which was supposed to have fewer side effects than the Fluoxetine. At the beginning of last year, I think I began to see a few signs of improvement. My paranoia had got a bit better, I was feeling a bit happier in myself and I could actually start thinking about the future.
Then the problems started. About September last year, I started suffering with sensory overload. I hated going out because sometimes the sound of traffic would be unbearable. I would fall out with my boyfriend just because he was talking to me and I couldn't stand the sound of his voice. It was becoming insufferable and I ended up going to the doctors in March this year (I think). The doctor didn't have a clue what was wrong with me, and hadn't come across something like this before. Always a good start! In the end he suggested trying another pill, which supposedly didn't have sensory issues as a side effect. Apparently it was common for Sertraline to cause sensory disturbances and this new pill, Lofepramine, was an older type of pill that was well known for its lack of side effects. Myself and my boyfriend were both worried about coming off the Sertraline because for the most part I had been quite stable and the thought of trying something else was quite scary.
The Lofepramine was horrendous. All of the progress I felt I had made had just disappeared. I felt suicidal on a daily basis, I was upset, angry and a complete mess. I couldn't cope and once again, I went back to the hospital. I had only been on Lofepramine a couple of weeks at this point but I discussed with my psychologist the problems I had been having. The psychologist was terrible. I had never seen him before, and he insisted on me discussing all of my traumatic experiences with him even though, as he said ''I already knew your problems but I wanted you to tell me instead''. GOOD ONE. Everyone knows that you don't force a person to re-tell traumatic events unless they want to. Anyway, after discussing some of my symptoms, he said it was likely that I had BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). I had heard of this but I wasn't really sure if it related to me. Oh it really did. He showed me the list of common signs/symptoms and I matched every one of them. I have to say, it was a relief in some ways to have a further diagnosis, but in other ways I was upset that I had yet another problem. The psychologist told me that I should come off my pills straight away and try Seroquel, a type of anti-psychotic, typically used for patients with schizophrenia or bipolar. This was scary in itself as I didn't want to be on a really strong drug. He reassured me however, that it was a mood stabilizer and it should help me to feel more calm and level headed. I left the hospital feeling pretty upset, knowing that I really wanted to cry but I had to hold it until I got home.  
I have been on Seroquel for about 2 weeks now, and if I am honest, I have never felt worse. I am exhausted, I am angry, I am upset. I have lost interest in everything and I am being a horror to live with. I am hoping that over the next couple of weeks, things will level off and I will be a lot happier. It is my birthday on the 14th and I graduate on the 23rd so I really want to be feeling o.k by then.
I know this was a slightly random post but I just wanted to post some of my experiences. I'm sure there will be more posts like this at some point!
If you have any questions, feel free to ask them :)